by Crystal Brashear
June 27, 2019
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
— Psalm 139:1
Even before I knew myself, before there was a self to be known, You knew me.
You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.
— Psalm 139:2–3
I’m still finding out things about myself that I never knew. I have these broken patterns, these unhelpful ways of doing life, that get in my way. I am starting to understand where they came from and where they will take me, unless You intervene. It comforts me to know that You are already aware of them, and still You choose to love me.
Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
— Psalm 139:4
All those errant words I wish I could take back, phrases blurted rashly, out of my own woundedness, you already forgave them. You work to heal the damage I’ve caused and to help me learn to forgive myself, as you have forgiven me.
You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.
— Psalm 139:5–6
I have felt Your presence in the darkest night, when the whole world was crashing, crashing in all around me. Your nearness is a balm to my weary soul. There is nothing like it in the whole world.
Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
— Psalm 139:7–8
For months, I felt as if I was at home in Hell. Everything that was once beautiful blurred to gray. My face couldn’t smile; it hurt to speak. I eked out a life, but I was not truly living. And You came after me there. You took up residence there with me so that I was not alone. You gave me the strength to begin scrabbling out of the pit.
If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.
— Psalm 139:9–12
Now, I carry a keen awareness of Your presence with me wherever I go. There is no situation too overwhelming, no circumstance too dire, for You to shine light into. Knowing You are there makes me brave; You will never abandon me.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…
— Psalm 139:13–14
No person is an accident. You intentionally formed each one. I can see the beauty in every face You’ve made, when I stop to look as through Your eyes. The creativity and precision of Your craftsmanship astounds me!
…Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
— Psalm 139:14–16
If every day was formed for me, then today is a day You have formed for me. You already know what is going to happen today. If it is the best day of my life, the glory belongs solely to You. If it is the worst day of my life, You will not be taken off guard. You’ve already committed Yourself to standing alongside me, no matter what happens. I will never be alone.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.
— Psalm 139:17–18
Since You know everything, I do not have to feel ashamed of what I do not know. I will fall short; I will fail. But You will never fail. Today, I lay down striving toward perfection. I fix my eyes on You instead. I trust You to fill in my gaps, to smooth out my rough patches. Belonging to You is what I truly need, and You have already bankrupted Heaven to accomplish that.
Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me! They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain. Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies.
— Psalm 139:19–22
You have shown me who the true enemy is. I am beginning to recognize the deceitful work of Satan, the enemy of my soul. I have lived too much of my life based on his whispered lies. I refuse to allow him to steal my today and my tomorrow. And I commit myself to the task of helping others recognize their true enemy as well. Too long have we warred against one another, wife against husband, child against parent, sufferer against sufferer.
Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!
— Psalm 139:23–24
As I enter into today, show me something about myself that I have never seen. Help me view myself through Your eyes. Give me the courage to open myself up completely to You and to receive what You have to offer me with humility. I know that nothing You show me has made You stop loving me. Nothing I can do or say or think or feel will make You leave me. Bring on today; I will conquer because You are with me!
We have put together a list of resources to help you dig into the book of Romans! Visit clifec.com/romans to check it out!
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