As co-pastor Randy Wade spoke this morning (September 11, 2011) at the Community Life Church Forney campus, I found myself not just seated beneath his shadow, I was his shadow. A shorter, older and unfortunately, fatter version of the man he described himself to be. In so many ways, I was a mirrored image of the guy who stood on the platform before me.
In stark honesty, I too am a man desperate for acceptance, approval, and validation. I work hard at being the man I think others need and want to be in the company of, yet always wondering if their handshakes, smiles, and kindness are authentic or just an appeasement. Thus, I have to be in control, because being in control is the only way I can dictate the story with any degree of certainty the last page will read the way I think it should complete with the happy ending I want to have. But I’m not in control. I’m trying hard to get a handle on that and find the only way to get a handle on it is to wake up to the fact I don’t have a handle on it and reach out to the only one who does.
I need help, something or someone beyond myself who can put life, my life, into the right frame to remove the wrecking ball I perceive to be always poised and in ready to demolish the persona of myself I want up on the big screen for others to see. Admit it or not, you need help too, we all do. Unless you are sociopathic, it is only human to want to be accepted, to be validated and approved of. Let’s be honest, to some extent, everyone is egotistical. Consciously or subconsciously, we all go to great lengths to be accepted, to be that person others find attractive and want to be around. The cosmetics industry projected to surpass $265 billion in global sales next year is a clear testimony to that fact and I am quite certain a few dollars of your money will contribute to that figure.
Today I realize life on my terms is unmanageable, out of hand, a turbulent mess. I don’t have it all together and cannot get it all together – my way isn’t at all working out. Turning to Jesus I understand I am not the Conductor of the orchestra, he is. Me, I am but an instrument in the orchestra. If I will be content to take my chair amongst the woodwinds, the percussions, strings or in the brass section, focused on and playing my instrument as led by the Conductor. God will blend everything together to create the masterpiece I hope to be, and life’s song will turn out something beautiful, complete with that happy ending.
In this, the final message from the “Turbulence” sermon series. I found the help I was in desperate need of and believe you will too. I want to encourage every person reading to watch this sermon. I will share it as soon as it comes online.